(Palo Alto, CA) – In a somewhat surprising move, Micah Laaker’s upper palate was brazenly sliced from the inside by a rogue Halls Defense® Vitamin C supplement drop. Clearly pioneering a new entry point for the excessive vitamin insemination of its host, the drop cut an approximately one- (1) inch tear into the roof of […]

(New York City) – In a sad and somewhat unfortunate turn of events, Micah Laaker lost a large chunk of money and his Apple PowerBook G3/333 laptop last Wednesday. Having placed his laptop for sale in LootUSA, a low-class classified ad joint, Mr. Laaker received a call from a Mr. James Ryan, employee of the […]

(New York City) – Affirming what has been popular snide commenting for the past several months, Micah Laaker today announced that he was "well aware of how seldom (his) public relations postings were updated." Reaching the press from his home office, Mr. Laaker was quoted as saying, "I’ve got a lot of love for my […]