(New York City) – New York City sewer lines decided not to "take any more crap" on Monday, May 15, and proceeded instead to siphon all "excess" into Micah Laaker’s studio/kitchen. Mr. Laaker learned of this decision come dinnertime upon entering his apartment that cool spring evening.

Apparently old and weathered, sewage pipes above Mr. Laaker’s kitchen gave way during the work day, allowing plenty of time for the "special surprise" to ferment. Mr. Laaker’s apartment building’s management company’s representative, a Miss Sarah Jakob, quickly informed him of her legal liability in this matter ("strictly structural repair!"), and then dispatched a plumber the next morning.

Tuesday evening followed with further delights, when Mr. Laaker arrived to find sewage-soaked chunks of ceiling strewn throughout his apartment. Also of note were two large, rough hewn, odor emitting holes above his kitchen and (best of all) his shower. Both had been lovingly left by the management company’s adept plumbing staff which had "forgotten" to cover the apartment belongings. Friday afternoon finally saw contractors attend to these "holes of doom," and Mr. Laaker, now living in his own "diaspora" of sorts, is seemingly waiting for a cleaning crew to sanitize said apartment.

Miss Jakob again cheerily reminded Mr. Laaker that the needed sanitation "was not my problem." Mr. Laaker was then noted to have not sent flowers thanking Miss Jakob for her assistance in this ordeal.