(New York) – Finally taking a stand against all those who were "hatin’" on him, Micah Laaker announced that he was quite content with his "player" lifestyle. "A lot of cats are denouncing their playalistic lifestyle these days, thanks to catchy hits from Terror-Squadian Big Pun and his much lighter singing sidekick, Joe. Well, me, […]

(New York) – In a second wave of anger and vengeance, Micah Laaker again called out several corporations which had caused undue duress and hassle to him and others (Ed. – Please see 06/16/99 for the first wave.). These corporations would be AT&T, K-Mart, Globix, Bell Atlantic, RCN, and MCI. In the first of his […]

(New York City) – Affirming what has been popular snide commenting for the past several months, Micah Laaker today announced that he was "well aware of how seldom (his) public relations postings were updated." Reaching the press from his home office, Mr. Laaker was quoted as saying, "I’ve got a lot of love for my […]

(New York, NY) Priceline.com and TWA were the well-deserving targets of an irate and tired Micah Laaker during his birthday weekend of June 11, 1999. Taking up his close friend Aaron Steckelberg’s offer to join him in Pittsburgh, PA, before he (Steckelberg) moved to Atlanta, Mr. Laaker found himself searching for affordable air travel packages […]

(New York, NY) Respecting the wishes of his constituents, Mr. Laaker today announced the release of several photos from his "Sultry Summer, New York" collection. This move has drawn fire from many community groups, claiming "no one wants to see images of Mr. Laaker’s home with his drawls laying out everywhere." A spokeswoman for Mr. […]

(New York, NY) Last night, after years of hype, excitement, and bold claims, "Star Wars Episode 1, the Phantom Menace" was released to audiences nationwide. Micah Laaker, having friends in powerful places, was able to secure tickets for the very first showing in New York at 12:01 a.m., Wednesday, May 19. Recent rumors had circulated […]

(Kansas City, MO) April Fools’ Day found itself a bitter, bitter day for area resident Micah Laaker. After having spent many hours plotting an ingenious "boy who cried wolf" strategy, Mr. Laaker was foiled by his coworkers in what many dubbed "the chickens coming home to roost." According to office snitch Ken Wilson, Mr. Laaker […]

(Kansas City, MO) Thursday proved an exciting day for Micah Laaker, as he witnessed the first fruits from his recent contract insuring his likeness would be incorporated into future video games. Sierra Entertainment, developers of many popular PC games, recently posted screenshots of their latest feat, Half-Life. Located near the center of the page was […]

(Kansas City, MO) Sources close to Micah Laaker today released a photograph showing Mr. Laaker atop the Empire State Building. After having been taunted by the talking viewmasters on either side of him for long enough, Mr. Laaker was ready to leave the ESB observatory deck when he heard shutter clicks. Despite an incredibly hazy […]

(Kansas City, MO) Defying conventional wisdom, Micah Laaker indeed had his hair cut, as per his predictions upon changing his "mug." (See press release 12/13/98.) Quick to prove pundits and naysayers wrong, Mr. Laaker was reported to have had his hair trimmed last night. The exact time and location of the haircut was unknown at […]

(Kansas City, MO & Nagano Prefecture, Japan) Inspired by past trips to Disney’s "It’s a Small World" amusement ride, Micah Laaker today announced his first overseas publishing efforts. Commissioned by overseas correspondent Kathy "Chatterbox" Wearne to create an illustration depicting her, Mr. Laaker slowly sprung to action, finally delivering said illustration months after the initial […]

(Kansas City, MO) Enduring countless taunts and much recent humiliation, Micah Laaker today announced a “new” him, with a fresh new “mug.” This “mug” became manifest with his new spectacles and clean cut appearance. Mr. Laaker was quoted as saying the changes “may not end there.” There are rumors of impending haircuts and possible amusing […]

(Kansas City, MO) With the clear and present threat of dwindling viewership of his public relations site, Micah Laaker today announced an online photo album of his trip to Universal Studios. The photos, which date back to May of 1998, have never before been viewed, and are presented exclusively to an online audience before rights […]

(New York City, NY) In what was obviously a plea for attention, Micah Laaker today loudly vocalized that he was in great pain to the nonexistent Blue Cross Blue Shield phone operators. After ingeniously taking a flight to New York during a sinus/ear infection, Mr. Laaker found himself in an unprecedented predicament: immense aural and […]

(Kansas City, MO) Confirmed today was Micah Laaker’s trip to New York City for the week of October 5-10 (next week). Mr. Laaker is to work in NYC for a full week under the BlairLake University program instituted this summer at BlairLake. BlairLake’s office manager, Christi Clark, had earlier canceled Mr. Laaker’s September trip (See […]