(New York City) – While Laaker.com has been successfully providing international audiences with a variety of online entertainment for years, low Q4 revenue predictions have resulted in widespread layoffs at the once mighty "dot com" startup. Employees today received a callously-worded email encouraging them to "take the rest of your life off" from their position. […]

(New York City) – Micah Laaker announced today his first publishing deal: authorship of "Teach Yourself SVG in 24 Hours." The book will be a technical tutorial book helping first-time developers get up-to-speed using Scalable Vector Graphics (SVG), a relatively new W3C standard for defining onscreen vector graphics. Having worked extensively with the technology over […]

(New York City) – In a move that sent shock waves through the fast food community, Micah Laaker announced a moratorium on the very places he once so often frequented: fried chicken establishments. "The joy just isn’t there any more. Every time I get some spicy chicken at Popeye’s, my tummy takes a tumbling for […]

(New York City) – To some, the 5th of May represents the Independence Day of Mexico from the French (despite this independence only lasting a couple days). However, more well known to the world’s population is the celebration of Micah Laaker’s 2nd year anniversary of living in New York City. To celebrate the achievement, Mr. […]

(New York City) – Common petty thugs, banding together to form a violence gang, highlighted Micah Laaker’s visit to London, the "Foot-and-Mouth Capital of the World." Kickstarting the 2001 leg of the Laaker.com World Tour, Mr. Laaker and the charming Ms. Carrie Patton visited the birthplace of colonial imperialism for 4.5 days this past week. […]

(New York City) – Continuing the adventurous streak begun last year, Micah Laaker announced his plans today to visit London and the English countryside later this week. "Laaker.com is committed to extending its audience base to a much larger world population," said Mr. Laaker in his address today. "Already frequently visited by Americans, Canadians and […]

(New York City) – Palm, Inc. fired a shot of disrespect into the camp of Micah Laaker on Wednesday by removing a posting to their online discussion boards. After reading about the announcement of the latest in Palm’s hardware offerings, the m105, Mr. Laaker immediately went to the company’s discussion boards to "sound off." Mr. […]

(New York City) – Sunday evening found Micah Laaker is a state of consternation, as he perused the falsehoods proposed in the online writings of longtime friend Aaron Steckelberg. Mr. Steckelberg published blatantly perfidious statements outright denying his childhood ownership of Gobots Rock Lord “Nuggit.” † The public statement, posted on Steckelberg.com and reprinted below, […]

(New York City) – Ever attentive to his stomach’s desires, Micah Laaker spent last evening at the New York Chocolate Show 2000. The show, billed as the unification of "around forty American and international exhibitors, artists, detailers, pastry chefs, master chocolate makers and writers," proved quite overrated. Mr. Laaker noted several sacrilegious uses of chocolate, […]

(New York City) – Donning the facial hair of a nineteenth-century socialite, Micah Laaker joined longtime associate William Maday on a week long journey through the southern half of Ireland last week. To document his travels, Mr. Laaker sent a series of emails, entitled “Dispatch from the Emerald Isle, Volumes 1 – 5,” to a […]

(New York) – Excited by New York Republican Senate candidate Rick Lazio’s recent televised “invitation” to fellow candidate Hillary Clinton, Micah Laaker today announced an open invitation to John Schneider to follow in the footsteps of his former co-worker, Tom Wopat, and sign a personalized publicity photo. At the request of Laaker.com correspondent J. Sly, […]

(New York City) – In a sad and somewhat unfortunate turn of events, Micah Laaker lost a large chunk of money and his Apple PowerBook G3/333 laptop last Wednesday. Having placed his laptop for sale in LootUSA, a low-class classified ad joint, Mr. Laaker received a call from a Mr. James Ryan, employee of the […]

(New York City) – Micah Laaker, long a lover of American law, recently took the challenge of local letter writer, R. Konzen. In his letter to Mr. Laaker, asking that he mail a $10 "loan" to the first recipient on his list, Konzen encouraged Mr. Laaker to check Title 18, Section 1302 of the Postal […]

(New York City) – After another well-received press release hit the streets, Micah Laaker was presented with yet a fourteenth "cease-and-desist" legal notice on Tuesday, August 1. Mr. Laaker, having successfully called out Alex Meyer in a previous release, received a notice from the said Mr. Meyer. Soaked in tearstains, the note was conspicuous for […]

(New York City) – Noted for his modesty in promoting Laaker.com, Micah Laaker was recently disgusted by office compatriate Alex Meyer’s flagrant self promotion of his personal site. As several employees were working late, dinnertime found them gathered around a communal office table imbibing in food and drink. As dinner waned, conversation turned towards work-related […]