(Kansas City, MO) Enduring countless taunts and much recent humiliation, Micah Laaker today announced a “new” him, with a fresh new “mug.” This “mug” became manifest with his new spectacles and clean cut appearance.

Mr. Laaker was quoted as saying the changes “may not end there.” There are rumors of impending haircuts and possible amusing quips. “Everything is currently in a state of flux. My mug may change drastically tomorrow, or the next day, depending on my mood.”

One Blue Ridge Mall passerby, who asked to remain anonymous, noted his casual, “meandering” stride and “smooth features,” saying she had not noted this stride before today, nor the smoothness. “He seems to have up and changed everything. Amazing!”

Mr. Laaker asks that no digital alterations be made to his image, as his “mug” is now “unfadeable.”

Mr. Laaker times three. (View larger image.)